با همسر ایرادگیر که بیش از حد از ما انتقاد می‌کند چه کنیم؟

چهارشنبه 31 خرداد 1396 04:05 ق.ظ   نویسنده : نویسنده      


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مفیدستان:

رابطه با همسر ایرادگیر و سرزنشگر یک رابطه ناسالم و آزار دهنده است که باعث می‌شود اعتماد به نفس خود را از دست داده و دچار مشکلات عاطفی شویم.

آیا نامزد یا همسر ایرادگیری دارید که مدام از شما انتقاد می‌کند و شما را به خاطر کارهایتان مورد سرزنش قرار می‌دهد؟ کسی که مدام از شما ایراد بگیرد و شما را مورد انتقاد قرار دهد و دایم در تلاش است که شما را تغییر دهد در حقیقت شما را آنگونه که هستید دوست ندارد. او شما را کسی می‌بیند که باید یا تغییرش دهد و یا تنبیه‌اش کند. و اینکه کدام راه را انتخاب کند بستگی دارد از کدام دنده بلند شده باشد. شما نیز هرگز نمی‌توانید خودتان را با توقعات و انتظارات او هماهنگ کنید. چرا که او از شما می‌خواهد کسی، باشید که نیستید. برای اینکه بدانید چرا جذب چنین کسی شده‌اید و چگونه می‌توانید رابطه ناسالم خود را اصلاح کنید این مقاله را بخوانید.

چرا جذب نامزد / همسر ایرادگیر و بدرفتار شده‌اید؟

  • بدون شک شما از دوران کودکی‌اتان الگوبرداری کرده‌اید تا اینبار بتوانید گذشته را اصلاح کنید. گذشته‌ای که در آن مجبور بوده‌اید سخت تلاش کنید تا توجه و تحسین کسانی را که خیلی دوستشان داشتید برانگیزید. این احتمال وجود دارد که پدر و مادر شما بیش از حد ایرادگیر و سرزنشگر بودند و هر کاری می‌کردید باز هم از شما ایراد می‌گرفتند. شاید مدام از نمره‌های شما، فعالیت‌های ورزشی‌تان، رفتار وحتی صحبت کردنتان ایراد می‌گرفتند.
  • ممکن است در کودکی ناخودآگاهانه باور کرده باشید: «من خوب نیستم. باید بیش از حد تلاش کنم تا دیگران دوستم داشته باشند.» حال با جذب شدن به همسر ایرادگیری که با شما طوری رفتار می‌کند انگار بچه کوچولو هستید و می‌خواهد در حق شما مادری یا پدری کند، دوران کودکی خود و روابطتان با پدر و مادرتان زنده کرده‌اید. گویی می‌خواهید کار ناتمام دوران کودکی‌تان را کامل کنید، با امید اینکه اینبار بتوانید رضایت منتقدان همیشگی را به دست بیاورید.
همسر ایرادگیر ، همسر بهانه جو ، مشاوره خانواده ، انتقاد از همسر
  • شاید هم شما مورد انتقاد و سرزنش نبوده‌اید و پدر یا مادرتان همواره مورد سرزنش و انتقاد قرار می‌گرفت. شاید مادرتان یک همسر ایرادگیر بود که مدام به پدرتان زخم زبان می‌زد و پدرتان مردی مهربان و در عین حال ترحم برانگیز بود. حال شما در تلاشی ناخودآگاهانه برای وفاداری به پدرتان، زنی را به همسری گرفته‌اید که همان آزار و اذیتی که پدرتان تحمل می‌کرد به شما تحمیل می‌کند.
  • ما اغلب نقش پدر یا مادر خود را در زندگی تکرار می‌کنیم تا به لحاظ روحی و روانی همدرد و غمخوار ناکامی‌های او باشیم. بدین معنی که ما هم خود را دچار همان دردها و بدبختی‌ها می‌کنیم تا وفاداری خود را به پدر یا مادرمان اثبات کنیم و ثابت کنیم هرگز به او پشت نکردیم. برخی از افراد به سختی می تواننداز شر این الگوی مخرب خانوادگی خلاص شوند و اغلب خود را در موقعیت‌هایی ناسالم و آزاردهنده قرار می‌دهند که بی‌شباهت به دردها و رنج‌های پدر و مادرشان نیست. گویی چنانچه خوشبخت‌تر از پدر و مادرشان باشند به آنها خیانت کرده‌اند.

برخی از پیامدهای رابطه با فرد سرزنشگر و ایرادگیر

  • افراد ایرادگیر نقاط قوت و رفتارهای مثبت اطرافیان خود و به ویژه همسرانشان را نمی‌بینند و یا در صورت مشاهده اهمیتی به آن‌ها نمی‌دهند، از این رو همسران آنان دچار کمبود محبت و در صورت تداوم این برخوردها و حرکات دچار مشکلات شخصیتی و رفتاری می‌شوند.
  • یکی از بارزترین پیامدهای زندگی با مردان ایرادگیر و ریزبین را می‌توان ایجاد وسواس خفیف و یا گاهی شدید در زنان برشمرد. آنان در توالی زمان احساس می‌کنند هر کاری که انجام می‌دهند، مهم و یا کم اهمیت اشتباه و نادرست است و همین حالاست که شوهران آنان سر برسند و به بدگویی و نشان دادن رفتاری زننده و غیرانسانی در مواجه با کار آنان بپردازند.
  • زنان و مردانی که در رابطه با همسران ایرادگیر و بهانه‌جو هستند، به مرور زمان اعتماد به نفس و روحیه انسانی خود را از دست می‌دهند و از جایی که همواره عصبانیت و خشم خود از همسرشان را بروز نمی‌دهند و یا کم‌تر ابراز می‌دارند، دچار افسردگی‌های مزمن شده و روابط آنان با گذشت سلامت خود را از دست داده و به سمت اضمحلال می‌رود.

چه باید کرد؟

صرف نظر از اینکه دلیل شما برای شیفته نامزد / همسر ایرادگیر شدن که مدام تحقیرتان می‌کند چیست، یک چیز بسیار روشن است: اگر می‌توانید به رابطه خود پایان دهید. سپس، روزه رابطه بگیرید تا بتوانید از لحاظ عاطفی التیام پیدا کنید و خود را از درون اغنا سازید. همین که خودتان را بیشتر دوست داشته باشید گرایش شما به کسی را که بلد نیست شما را دوست داشته باشد، کمتر خواهد کرد. در غیر این صورت بهتر است از یک مشاور خانواده کمک بگیرید.

گردآوری: مجله اینترنتی ستاره

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مطلب با همسر ایرادگیر که بیش از حد از ما انتقاد می‌کند چه کنیم؟ در سایت مفیدستان
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